When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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