She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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