Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
