I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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