I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
