That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
