i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
