She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
