My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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