i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
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Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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