Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
