I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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