i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
