someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
