Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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