very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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