I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
