We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just high enough for therapy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
