NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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