i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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