I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
