i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room