i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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