What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
