She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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