I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
