Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
