I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
