At least make sure they are 18
Why
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The power of my boobs compel you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
