he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
