he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
