We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
