I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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