So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
