Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think a kid would responsible me up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
