My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
