You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
