I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
