she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we're making bets on your personal life
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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