My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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