Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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