Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
