every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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