I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
