I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Houston, we have a blender
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
