Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
