K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
