I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
