Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
