his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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