I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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