ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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