they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In other news, I just burned my penis
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
