i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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