What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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