Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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