remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
