If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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