This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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