he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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