Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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