You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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