Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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