Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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