it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
