As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
