I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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