next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
