DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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